The month of March has a lot going for it – the Spring Equinox, Daylight Savings Time, Mardi Gras and St. Patrick’s Day to name a few. It’s also the time of year when winter-weary residents of northern climes dream of escaping to tropical paradises.
Like Mexico – the closest tropical escape to Idaho.
Mexico has a lot going for it – warm, sunny weather, beautiful beaches and low prices. With current exchange rates favoring the dollar, Mexican vacations are a bargain.
These were some of the motivations for a recent Woodward family vacation to Mexico. It had been five years since our last visit, just as the pandemic was beginning, and with Covid mostly in the rearview mirror the time seemed right to return.
We spent two weeks in Mazatlan, a New Orleans-sized city on the Pacific Coast. Mazatlan is big enough that it isn’t just a resort city. In addition to tourism, its economy is built on manufacturing and agriculture. Its cultural attractions include historic theaters, an opera house, world-class restaurants, beautiful plazas and a magnificent cathedral.
Not to mention its friendly people. We didn’t run into a single local who wasn’t gracious and accommodating. And more often than not, smiling. Everywhere we went, we saw smiles, far more often on the faces of people who lived there than those of the tourists. Are Mexicans happier than we are? It was hard not to wonder.
No country, of course, is perfect. Mexico is well known for cartel violence, which we have been fortunate enough never to have experienced.
The same cannot be said, however, for another potential drawback to vacationing south of the border. I am referring, of course, to the dreaded Montezuma’s Revenge.
Montezuma, for those unfamiliar with him (I had to look him up myself) was actually Montezuma II, an Aztec ruler in the 15th and 16th centuries. Spanish conquistadores conquered his empire and slaughtered his people, for which he was understandably disgruntled.
Montezuma was said to have enacted retribution by giving diarrhea to generations of visitors to his onetime empire. This, of course, is impossible, the actual cause being microbes in the water. But whatever the cause, there’s no denying that Montezuma has sold a lot of Pepto Bismol.
A friend and I were unfortunate enough to experience his revenge following a trip to Mexico. We’d been scrupulous about drinking only bottled water, including that from the bottles the maids left in our room each day. So you can imagine our reaction when leaving for the airport on our last day there to see the maids filling the bottles with water from a garden hose.
If there was anything positive to be said about this, it was that Montezuma at least had the decency to wait till we got home before striking. I have seldom been sicker.
Fast forward to the present – and Eduardo.
Eduardo is, for lack of a more comprehensive title, a retired tour guide. He’s taken us on sailboat rides and a jungle tour. But, as we learned on this trip, calling Eduardo a tour guide is a bit like calling Leonardo Da Vinci a painter. He restores old cars, is an expert on antiques, has a law degree and has taught college-level archaeology.
Knowing that his knowledge of the city was extensive, one of our daughters asked him to recommend a restaurant.
“Somewhere with authentic Mexican food,” she said. “A place that the tourists don’t go.”
“I know a place like that,” Eduardo replied. “Only Mexicans eat there. You will not believe how good the food is.”
It was not without misgiving that we, or at least I, accepted. Every guidebook I’d ever read warned against dining at places the tourists don’t go, especially street vendors’ stands. The food may look good, but you’re taking a chance on spending the rest of your vacation in the bathroom.
The next day, Eduardo picked us up at our hotel. We’d been to Mazatlan on two previous trips and explored quite a lot of the city, but he took us to a part of town we’d never seen before, a neighborhood definitely not on the beaten tourist path.
As he parked his van, I mentally reviewed the standard tips for avoiding a head-on collision with Montezuma:
Don’t drink any water that doesn’t come from a bottle.
Only eat foods that are hot and well-cooked.
Only go to restaurants that are frequented by tourists – and never eat food from street vendors.
The establishment Eduardo took us to looked exactly like the sort of place the guidebooks warn you against. It wasn’t actually a restaurant. It was a couple of tables, a few chairs and a cooler of food in an alcove just off of the street. The menu, had there been one, would have stopped after a single entree – shrimp tacos.
Eduardo ordered in Spanish for all of us; the waiter brought us glasses of water and plates of shrimp tacos, neither hot nor well cooked. They were raw. We’d be disregarding every one of the standard Montezuma-avoidance tips.
With the image of the maids filling water bottles with a garden hose suddenly springing to mind, I passed on the water and guzzled a beer in the faint hope that it would counteract the shrimp microbes that would soon have us looking for the nearest clinic.
There was no alternative, however, to eating the shrimp tacos. I didn’t want to offend the owner by not eating them, and the last person I wanted to offend was Eduardo.
So … we ate the shrimp. And waited for the inevitable.
It didn’t happen. The rest of the day and the night that followed passed without a single one of us getting sick. No Montezuma at all! Except for our daughter catching a cold for the last few days, we were all in glowing good health for the remainder of the trip.
Bottom line: If you go to Mexico, follow the standard recommendations: Don’t drink water not from a bottle. Eat hot, well-cooked food at restaurants frequented by tourists. And don’t eat food from street vendors – unless you go there with a local you trust!
Thanks, Eduardo. The shrimp tacos were delicious.
Tim Woodward’s column appears every other Sunday in The Idaho Press and is posted on woodwardblog.com the following Mondays. Contact him at woodwardcolumn@gmail.com
Tim Woodward 